backed into a corner

People tend to change for two reasons. They either take incremental steps, or they have been backed into a corner and need to make big changes fast.

This is direct advice for people that have been backed into a corner.

If you are in physical danger right now, get to safety.

Next, grab a pencil and paper, so you can visualize your situation. Write down how many systems are in crisis, with space between each entry.

For example, someone doing this exercise could write down 'close to getting fired', 'intense anxiety and related mental health', 'debt', 'can't talk to spouse', etc. Don't worry about getting it exact. In this example, maybe the person doing this exercise didn't write 'suicidal' or 'addicted to painkillers' because they weren't ready to admit these problems to themselves. Or they wrote 'close to getting fired' even though, if they had a moment to think about it, their situation would be improved by leaving their job. This list doesn't need to be accurate, because you are simply prioritizing what to focus on next.

Now, write numbers next to each entry, in order of most to least pressing. In order of importance, jot down a potential course of action for each step. If needed, expand an entry into multiple steps. 'Debt' could become 'rent', 'credit card debt', 'owe the mafia', and 'other debts', which you would prioritize now by physical safety, and later by a debt reduction plan.

If one of these steps requires immediate action, take it. Pay the bill. Have the tough conversation. Do it now.

Next, review the most pressing item that does not require immediate attention. If it needs to be done by the end of the day, do it.

At this point, you may want to reach out to someone, like a therapist or impartial friend. You have enough clarity to explain your problems and get a different perspective. If you don't have someone you can talk to, that's okay. You still have someone in your corner that is looking out for you. Yourself.

The most immediate steps are taken care of. You likely need to rest. Even if anxiety keeps you awake, lying down can give you energy for the next step.

The next day, review the list and see if it still makes sense.

A silver lining to crisis is that you don't have your standard excuses not to change your behavior. You might have to do something different, right away. If you create a new problem for yourself, try to observe this behavior as neutrally as you can. Add a new item to the list, if needed.

It is up to you to decide the point when the crisis has passed. If it helps you proceed, you can burn the paper.

Note for July 2024 - If you are in crisis and need someone to talk to, email me.